I seem to be a big fan of the ever so seductive withholding dance. A pattern that shows up for me time and time again. I equate it to my Aries, huntress nature that I like to finesse and coax someone‘s deeper nature out while I sit around with my heart displayed proudly on my sleeve. I have friends that are lovey and huggy and have no problem telling me how much they care for me or I them. I have other friends where our love and knowledge of each other goes so deep that it is hardly ever spoken and always implied. And then there are the select few; we practice the withholding dance. I love to dance, but this particular one I have never mastered the moves. Moving in a zig zag fashion one’s partner is constantly at a disadvantage and left pondering how can this interaction be effective? Last summer I read Stiltsville by Susanna Daniel, a lovely book set in Miami, centered around a couple that inherits a stilt house off the coast. Reading it in the desert made the descriptions of this heavenly house seem like paradise itself. Daniel takes the reader on a journey of about forty years in a family as they deal with love, loss, and climate shifts. Beautiful insights are dispersed throughout and this one, in the beginning, when Francis and Dennis first meet is my favorite,
I’d known a few men pretty well, and something I’d noticed about many of them was that for some reason they didn’t give you what you want, whatever it happened to be – reassurance or approval or attention. This seemingly was not because they couldn’t spare it, but because they wanted to teach you not to want it. But in my mind people weren’t needy or independent – they were a swirl of both. I wondered if these men thought they never needed.
As I grew to know Dennis it struck me that he was not one of these men. From the beginning, he did not withhold.
Daniel goes on in her description, saying that Dennis is not perfect, but merely able to be open. And as I read it I thought, how much easier life would be if we could all open our hearts a little more.